Q&A with the Authors of Have a Nice Conflict: How to Find
Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places
What does it mean to Have a Nice Conflict?
Having a nice conflict means preventing and managing conflict in
a way that actually strengthens a relationship. To quote one of
the characters in our book, “the lifeblood of any organization is
people. You got conflict in your life? You're choking off your
blood supply.” Have a Nice Conflict helps to make sense of the
dynamics between different types of people and then details a
five-step framework to prevent potential conflict and effectively
manage conflict. This approach is based on the fundamentals of
Relationship Awareness Theory, a self-learning model for
accurately identifying the motive behind people’s behavior used
by hundreds of thousands of people around the world for over
forty years.
Why did you choose to write this book as a fable?
In our many years as a training publisher and certification
provider, we recognize the power of stories in the learning
process. People can digest concepts better when framed in a
relatable story. In Have a Nice Conflict, we follow the journey
of John Doyle, a midlevel sales manager in a pressure-cooker
environment whose personal and career struggles stem from the way
he deals with conflict.. With the help of Mac, the eccentric
“conflict doctor” referred by one of John’s long-time clients,
John (and the reader) explore the five keys to Have a Nice
Conflict: anticipate, prevent, identify, manage, and resolve.
These are skills that anyone can develop and use in everyday
interactions at work and at home.
So Have a Nice Conflict isn’t just about workplace conflict?
Since conflict is a people issue—not just a work issue—it’s
present wherever people see things differently: at work, at home,
with friends, even in places of worship. Awareness of self and
others, as well as the development of the relational skills
associated with nice conflicts, can be applied in all
relationships. While John Doyle originally sets out to solve his
conflict problems at work, he winds up dramatically improving his
relationship with his wife and kids.
Why do you use the term “prevent” instead of “avoid” conflict. Is
there a difference?
Unfortunately, there is. While avoiding conflict is the well-worn
path of least resistance, it can get us into more trouble and
damage our relationships. In Have a Nice Conflict, readers learn
how to prevent conflict—to proactively make better choices in
their relationships that respect different personality types and
foster powerful, productive interactions. . If a conflict can’t
be prevented—and let’s face it, some conflicts will happen
despite our best efforts—we can learn to manage conflict by
identifying it quickly and creating conditions that lead people
back to a place of feeling good about themselves.
What are your Relationship Awareness personality types?
Relationship Awareness Theory assessments look at the motivation
behind behavior—why we do what we do. Results reveal your
Motivational Value System, which is charted on a three-color
triangle. Mike is in the Red region of the triangle
(Assertive-Directing), similar to John from the book. He wants
results and is very task-focused, quick to act, and likes to take
charge. Reds are known to create conflict for people by moving
ahead too fast, not getting buy-in from everyone concerned, and
not considering the feelings of others. Tim and Kent are near by
in the Red-Green blend region (Judicious-Competing). They are
strategy-minded with a concern for fairness and rational
leadership. Red-Greens can also be blind about the feelings of
others and can cause conflict for people by being distrustful and
secretive about their intentions. Fortunately, like John Doyle,
we have learned a lot about preventing and managing conflict. But
admittedly, we’re still works in progress (just ask our
Blue-Green wives).
- Used Book in Good Condition.